Glimpse again...

It also means to so intimately and fully loved by Christ. Scripture says "Men love your wives as Christ loves the Church." Christ loves his church. He gave his life for the Church- his bride. He is so passionate about his people. Think about it, if you're married with children, you want your kids to know that you really love your spouse. You display your affection for your spouse in front of your children and it helps to create a family home environment that is full of life.

Its no different with Christ. Christ wants the world to know how much he loves his church. He wants more than anything for his people to be displayed with the label of "fully, intimately loved" that draws the world in.

Glimpse

Actually... to amend something in my earlier post... I had a brief glimpse on my walk tonight of what it means to be in the Body as I talked with Jesus about it... it means to be identified completely with Christ. The ministry of Jesus... he loved, healed the sick, gave truth, gave hope, raised the dead, healed the blind, and more. That is in the identity of the Body. And that, my friend, is something to look forward to living in!

The Day of Destruction

I've not posted in the last few weeks as I've been grappling with what I've been calling the 'Day of Destruction.' I was not quite prepared for what this revelation of being placed into the Body has opened up in my life. It has required that I begin to live out the identity of one that no longer has an independent identity or agenda- but has one of the Body. The only problem? I have no idea what that means.

This not knowing initially set off a bit of a panic in me. All I can describe is that it feels like I went to being this full canvas that is all colorful and visible to a completely blank slate. Nothing. Blank. No definition whatsoever. Turns out, this is rather difficult for people to deal with. We have an innate desire to be really known and identified. And yet, all of the sudden I am not. I have the identity of the Body, which is something-but I just don't know what yet!

Yes, I am still a person with giftings, etc., but this change is requiring a truly honest evaluation of everything in me. I really have no idea of my proper place or even who I am right now. I just know that its in Christ. I am not willing to rush to make something happen so I can identify myself or even assume I know. No, I want to be told directly from Christ.

Hands down I think this is probably the most difficult thing to date that the Message of the Cross has handed me... and yet it does not compare to what Jesus did. Jesus died so that I could come into true identity- the identity of His Body. However, my pain is real. This day of destruction is valid. My independent identity and agenda was thoroughly destroyed the moment I died with Christ. I keep seeing a city that has been completely burned down to rubble and its a picture of me. There have been days when its been like I've been forced to rub my face in the ash, breathe it in, be so hands on with the reality of what was destroyed.

Jesus spoke to me Isaiah 44, where it talks about the folly of idolatry sandwiched in between a passage about blessing and redemption. I've read the chapter over and over the last couple of weeks. It so clearly displays the foolishness of the independent nature. I am thankful for the redemption of God. I am thankful for the sacrifice of his Son that delivered me from this independent agenda. I don't understand it all yet, but I am still thankful.

There are glimpses of hope as I've walked in this destruction. Two weeks ago I woke up and saw dew on top of the ash in my spirit. It was dawn and the sun was rising... and dew was present. It was sparkling and it brought me comfort. It really was a beautiful work Jesus was doing.

This past weekend I had an experience where I was really really struggling with a sequence of events. My shaper was in major distress and I was upset. What was interesting is that I had identified my being upset as the independent nature and I kept asking the Lord to bring me into a place of revelation in this situation of the identity of the Body. Out of nowhere the Holy Spirit spoke so quietly and said 'Its the plan of God' in regards to how the sequence of events were occurring. Instantly I was fine. I had chosen to go with the way of the Body... God's plan, not the independent agenda.

Sunday I was standing there in worship as we sang Grande's new song. I didn't sing most of it... I was standing there in a gentle rain storm. My face upturned. The rain was washing the soot and ash off my face from the ruins around me. I could feel a dismantling taking place. I had the feeling after that I was in the carpenter shop with Jesus. We were working on a simple piece of wood... just him and I. Sanding, shaving pieces off... but together we were working.

Today I was amongst the destruction again.... so challenged by being nothing. And yet, Christ was content to be nothing. I actually prayed a prayer that I would be content with the obscurity of Christ earlier this summer. Content with being no one. I resolved again today to find Jesus in this place. I am honestly scared that it will require more sacrifice. More laying down and content to not be seen or heard... but isn't that what I wrote about earlier? I am learning to be a part of the mass that is the Body. To maintain my small little place. To find out what is there. I know there is life in it. I know Jesus is in it.

Jesus Changed My Life Yesterday

Jesus changed my life yesterday. He really wants to change my life every day. Jesus wants to appear and make the way- every day. Anyways, you know that deliverance I talked about in my last post? Well... it happened... and I actually can sense a difference in my person.

Pastor Pete said the following statement yesterday that so encouraged me: "Salvation is complete when you receive the identity of the Body."

Now I would be naive to think that I will come into a revelation of the Body and that I've made it... I'm done. I've gotten it all. No, Paul says quite the opposite! (And so would Pastor Pete.) He talks about the vastness of the Cross and how its something that we'll spend a lifetime going deeper in it- and even then we won't get everything! One big little revelation of the Body is not all there is. There is revelation after revelation of Jesus Christ and him crucified and his Church. But on the other hand, it was a signal to me that I'm on the right path. I'm grappling with a truth that is important and by my intentional pursuit of it I will be saved... again. I need to be saved a lot- and mainly from myself!

You know, it takes courage to step into a way of life that is completely different- and sometimes I/we need a little help in stepping in all the way. Its possible to receive partial revelation and not come into the the full knowing of what God is doing. Its possible to get stuck in human processing and not come into the experiential knowing of what God is doing. You are never delivered of your current way of life if you stay stuck in human processing. Over the last couple of days I've been praying out loud my trust in Christ and agreeing with the work he is doing in me. I've been thanking him for bringing me further into knowing truth. That the place of real life is in His Body. That he's placed in me a real desire to be connected to the Head and to know the truth and operate in truth.

Yesterday help came to me. It was the little extra push into the experience that I've been waiting for. So that I can come into the full knowing. God doesn't show you an area where you need to be delivered without the intention of delivering you. That would be wrong and completely out of character for him. At the end when I was standing in front, it felt like a vortex was coming over me. I was in the room, but I was in standing in Heaven too. I could feel the heavenly presence of angels. I could sense Jesus in the room with me. As I stood there, I could sense this life coming into my new man. I began to feel this sensation like space was being made inside of me. Pressure was moving things around. My face could feel heat and my lips felt like they were burning. Pastor Pete came over and laid his hands on my head. He didn't pray for a while. When his hands touched my head, I saw something that was flesh colored with little holes in it. They were spaces for pegs... and I saw myself being placed into a hole. I fit perfectly in that little place. I knew that I had just been removed from an independent life into Body life. I felt such joy at fitting perfectly in the Body. My first thought was "I need to explore this little place!" There is much life for me in this little place in the massive Body of Christ. Its odd from a worldly perception to think of massive amounts of life coming from such a small place... but its true. I want to find out what's here.

I am no longer an orphan- or a son trying to live an independent life. I am a son with a perfect little place in the Body that fits me. I fit in my own little place. That for me is huge. I've never really experienced this feeling of adoption. I've wanted to and have tried to. I've constantly been searching for a place and its found me- or probably just been waiting for me! I didn't know how to not look at others or to not covet what they have- whether subconsciously or not. Its an ugly and exhausting lifestyle to constantly try and be getting ahead or just even keeping up! Ephesians talks about how if you covet what another man has you are worshiping self-gain, which is ugly. Our culture is riddled with that. The only way to come out of that is to allow Jesus to place you into His body. I can feel the stability and the provision in this little place. The peace and the joy.

I'm off to explore my little place given to me by my Father... call it a row, call it a stall, call it a little hole that my peg fits in perfectly... it all works.

True Identity = Body of Christ, Trust = Rest

Hello Again!

I've been wanting to start writing again. Today is the perfect opportunity for me to do so. After a couple of incredibly crazy weeks and sleepless nights, I am taking a day off. I've needed some serious Bible study time and today I am getting my fill... so I thought I'd share.

I've been doing A LOT of processing on the Body of Christ. However, that is not what I am writing about today. Today I am going to write about faith and trust- however- it all stems from my processing/study on the Body of Christ. As I was dialoguing with the Holy Spirit today about the Body and coming into a deeper integration with the Body, I was working through questions of identity. We live in a cultural system that is consumed with identity. Its everything to people. The majority of time in our culture is spent maintaining our stand-out, individualistic, 'I' centered identity so we're seen and acknowledged.

This way of living is contrary to the Gospel. Paul says "I have died with Christ and therefore I no longer live..." So if I am taking Paul's words and identifying with them, I no longer live. If I no longer live then my worldly identity no longer lives either. What is my identity then? To a degree, I've answered this already in my life. I know that my identity lies in Christ. I know that I'm a Son. I know that I'm a new creation with access to to the King and in him is every good thing.

I am finding that I return to this question every so often as the Gospel goes deeper within me. It was only natural that this question come up again as I've been looking at the Body of Christ. What is the identity of the Body? What are the implications of that identity in my life? If I've died and been raised with Christ and am in His Body, who are we? All these questions are too great to handle in any one blog posting or even many... so allow me to focus in.

As I sat in my apartment this afternoon pondering this question of identity a second question rose up from within me: "Will I trust God to bring me in deeper into this Message? Deeper into his Body?"

The reality is, my question of identity is bringing me into a new way of living. Its bringing me out of a place of independent identity and into an identity that is truly connected to the Head (Jesus). My and your independent identity are not in Christ. There is an identity that is greater than our individual agendas for ourselves and our lives. When we start to come into contact with this greater identity we can start to freak out... or at least I did momentarily because Jesus is wanting to deliver me out of a comfortable world system that is so focused on separating myself and achieving things for self-gain. When we identify with the Body of Christ, we are identifying with a mass structure. We are a part of the mass structure, but we are not the entirety of the structure. We are not the ones holding it together. We are not the ones creating agendas and plans. We have a place and a role, but we are not the focus. Jesus is the focus. Jesus creates the agendas and plans. Jesus even creates our place. Are we really willing to let him be in control of that?

So back to my question of trust... I began to think about how over the past years as I've learned to live in this new and living way, I've had this question before. Its actually a good question. I'm recognizing what God is doing and realizing that there is some level of fear involved on my end. Its my job to ask the Holy Spirit about what I am afraid of- most importantly remember how he's met every single fear or need every time I've gone deeper into knowing the Truth.

I happened to pick my Phillips translation of the Bible and started to read Hebrews. And there it was plain as day in Hebrews 3 & 4.

"You should therefore be most careful, my brothers, that there should not be in any of you that wickedness of heart which refuses to trust, and deserts the cause of the living God." Hebrews 3

Woah! Do you see that? If we refuse to trust God then that results in deserting the cause of the living God, then we have wickedness of heart. It makes me ask myself "Father, where am I not trusting you?" because I don't want wickedness of heart to be found in me. I have no desire to desert the cause of the living God.

Hebrews 3 (and into 4) goes onto say: (Its talking about the Israelites in the desert.)

For who was it who heard the Word of God and yet provoked his indignation? Was it not all who left Egypt under the leadership of Moses? And who was it with whom God was displeased for forty long years? Was it not those who, after all their hearing of God's Word, fell into sin, and left their bones in the desert? And to whom did God swear that they should never enter into his rest? Was it not these very men who refused to trust him?

Yes, it is all too plain that it was refusal to trust God that prevented these men from entering his rest. Now since the same promise of rest is offered to us today, let us be continually on our guard that none of us even looks like failing to attain it. for we too have had a gospel preached to us, as those men had. Yet the message proclaimed to them did them no good, because they only heard and did not believe it as well. It is only as a result of our faith and trust that we experience that rest."

Later in Hebrews 4 it says: "There still exists therefore, a full and complete rest for the people of God. And he who experiences his rest is resting from his own work as fully as God from his."

Here is what I am seeing in these passages:

Faith

The Israelites heard the Word of God and as a result of hearing, faith had entered into them. I think we can all identify with this. God gives us a Word of something he is going to do, we get excited because its powerful and true and are in complete agreement with it. And then suddenly they were out of Egypt and walking in the desert.

The Journey

It was probably much easier for the Israelites to remember the Word in the beginning of their journey then it was a year or two into plodding along in the desert. Maybe even a year into it there were those that still did not waiver. At some point, they stopped believing the Word that had been given to them and all they could see was the sand in the desert. All they could see was the physical surroundings. They forgot to keep looking with their spiritual eyes. They had been called out of a land that was only focused on the material way of living and into a new land that required them to use different eyes. At some point, they stopped trusting God. The moment they stopped trusting God and receiving his provision for them, they entered into a place of self-effort, distress, and unhappiness. They decided it was much better to go with their own plan then with God's.

As I've been looking at this question of will I trust God as I dive into this new place of knowing him, its very clear to me that if I do not trust him, I will end up as the Israelites in some form or fashion- with my bones being left in the desert. Bones that were full of purpose and the "cause of the living God' to being dry and empty and producing no life.

There is a purpose for the journey- whether long or short. I like what Pastor Pete said on Sunday "If you are praying and not hearing an answer, its because the Holy Spirit is wanting to draw something out." As a culture, we are not comfortable with things taking time. I am finding that Jesus enjoys the journey. He wants to teach me to see him and celebrate the moments of overcoming and watching him display himself. He wants me to really know him.

Rest

I've been given this message of the Gospel. I've heard it. God has finished his work. He's at rest. Why am I still trying to work so hard? He really wants me to receive his provision. He really wants me to receive my true identity. He wants me to exchange my illusion of identity for the real thing. In that exchange is his rest, is the cause of the living God. The very thing that I am really crying out for. If I don't trust him, if I don't trust in the provision made for me through Christ's death then I cannot enter into His Rest. I have to work to create a solution. Even when it comes to our identity. He wants us to receive identity through the provision made for us as a result of his death.

I'll keep you posted on how it all pans out... I'm onto something.